Say, Billy Linneman, get a hold on your big bass fiddle

Start us off on the old song about the cigarette

Now, I'm a fellow with a heart of gold

And the ways of a gentleman, I've been told

Kind of a guy that wouldn't even harm a flea

But if me and a certain character met

The guy that invented that cigarette

I'd murder that son of a gun in the first degree

It ain't 'cause I don't smoke 'em myself

And I don't reckon they'll hinder your health

I've smoked 'em all my life and I ain't dead yet

But nicotine slaves are all the same

At a pettin' party or a poker game

Everything gotta stop while they have a cigarette

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death

Tell St. Peter at the golden gate

You just hate to make him wait

But you gotta have another cigarette

In a game of chance the other night

Old Dame Fortune was doing me right

The kings and queens kept on a-coming around

Oh, I was hitting 'em good and betting 'em high

But my bluff didn't work on a certain guy

He kept calling and laying his money down

See, he'd raise me, then I'd raise him

And I swear to God, you gotta sink or swim

Finally called, but didn't raise the bet

Hmm, I said, "Aces full, pal, how 'bout you?"

He said, "I'll tell you in a minute or two

But right now I've got to have me a cigarette"

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death

Tell St. Peter at the golden gate

You just hate to make him wait

But you gotta have another cigarette

Now, the other night I had a date

With the cutest little gal in any state

A high-bred, uptown, fancy little dame

She said she loved me and it seemed to me

That things were sort of like they ought to be

So hand in hand, we strolled down lover's lane

She was a long way from a chunk of ice

And our pettin' party was going real nice

And I got an idea I might have been there yet

So I give her a kiss and a little squeeze

Then she said, "Travis, excuse me, please

But I gotta have a cigarette," hmm

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death

Just tell St. Peter at the golden gate

You just hate to make him wait

But you've got to have another cigarette